I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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