the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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