fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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