i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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