i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
