Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
