He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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