I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
