Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
