life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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