Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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