WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
