you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
