I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
