These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
