He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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