If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
