After last night, I could never be a politician.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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