Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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