what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
