she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
