Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
