Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
