I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
