life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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