So drunk its hurt
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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