Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
