I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
