i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
