You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He passed out mid-signature
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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