9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
