i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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