is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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