About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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