if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm determined to sit on that face.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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