He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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