I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
They took my balls.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
