i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
