I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
