the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
