Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
