hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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