My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
