Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
