Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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