Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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