remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
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