she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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