I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
