i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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